Thursday, January 13, 2011

Patiently waiting for life to happen

I am constantly at war with right and wrong. Doing and saying what is right according to ME is the toughest thing on earth. I am filled with doubt and questions. I can see that not everything fits like a glove as it should. I keep wondering if I am putting myself in a position where I am allowing myself to be a play thing. But yet a part of me wants to not think about it. Emotions aside, the question is “what's in it for me?”

Well thus far a lot. But this transaction is becoming a bit of a burden. There comes a time when you have to cut your losses but when is that time.
I am patiently waiting for life to happen.

I hate suffering. My creator did not place me in this world to suffer. I am meant to shine like a star and touch the sky. I am meant for greatness, I am meant to see the world and not get caught up in societies expectations of how to do things. I am meant soar like an eagle and worry about those other things way later in life, if I ever do.
I am patiently waiting for life to happen.

I realised that I talk and listen a bit too much too everybody and do none of those things with my glamourous self. When I kept my own company I had a clear head. I knew what it was I wanted from life and I got it. Now I find myself living like everybody. Yes this life is a bit better because it means I am accepted by all but do I accept what I have become. I have become a wimp...just to live according to society.

Let us answer these questions....Tokiso M. Molefe what do you want from life?
Honestly, I want to do what makes Tokiso happy. I want to go places, live on weird food and write about it. I want to meet new people and learn their ways. I want to speak weird and wonderful languages. I want to keep the good friends I have and make new good friends. I want to do some of these things with the man I love and cherish.

I guess I just want to be free. Free of expectations. Free of people who want this and that from Miss Tokiso. Free of people who do not want to let go the brand they have on me. I want to be free of the anger I habour. I want to be free of the jealousy I carry. I want to be free of the arrogance that seems to make who I am...I want to be free.
How do I do this when I keep taking the easy way out? How do I do this when I let emotions get the best of me?
Patiently waiting for life to happen!!

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