Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sometimes I wonder…

Sometimes I wonder how life would have been if my absent father was a present one…

Would I have a better understanding of gender roles in society?
Would I trust men?
Would I have more faith in people?

Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out if he cared…

Would I be less hard on myself?
Would I judge less?
Would my hunger for a better life be less aggressive?

Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if he helped financially...

Would I have gone further with my studies?
Would I have gone to a better high-school and gotten better opportunities?
Would I view the world any different to what I do now?

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if he called…

Would my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice?
Would I call him ‘daddy’?
Would I be happy?

I've stopped wondering!
I’ve accepted my reality; I just pray that should I have a child…
They don’t wonder…


  1. This is so well written and I think a lot of people can relate to this. I, for one, know exactly what you're taking about. If my absent father was around; would I be Daddy's Little angel? I don't know because he didn't care enough to stick around and give me a chance to choose. Thank you for sharing, it shows people like me that we aren't alone in our thoughts nor are we to blame for their actions.

  2. True vuvuQ I too can relate to this. I often wonder as well what I would do if he called, would I call him dad. Would I even be happy

  3. I can relate to this post personally because I used to think about this issue till i cried. I have forgiven him and i hope my children will not have to travel through that same road.

  4. Tears roll down my eyes, i also wonder even though i dont think that i care to wonder. I also wish and pray that i dont have a kid who will wonder.

  5. i wondered until a friend told me
    1. accept
    3.move on
    accept and label him for who he is and what he did and move on.